The person before the player.

I started coaching at 13. At registration for my sister’s softball season, I saw a sign asking for volunteer coaches. Someone from the local association asked whether I wanted to get involved. I did.

I became an assistant with her under-eight team. I loved teaching. I loved the possibility of being a positive influence in someone’s life. In a 2018 interview in Davao, I put it simply: “I have loved coaching more than playing.”

A decision, and an unexpected return

Years later, as a young coach, I worked with a teenage athlete for a season. When it came time to select the following year’s team, I faced a difficult decision. There were more players than places. After a great deal of reflection, I did not keep her.

I did not hear from her again for ten years. Then she came to my father’s wake.

She told me that being supported during a difficult period in her life had mattered to her, and that she wanted to be there for me. I had thought of myself as her coach. She remembered how she had been treated.

In my podcast, I tell this story because it changed how I understood the reach of ordinary coaching actions: listening, encouraging, making someone feel welcome, giving them a chance to learn.

Care and difficult decisions can exist together.

This is not a story about avoiding a hard selection decision. I made one. It is a reflection on the relationship around that decision, and on the fact that a roster place does not capture everything an athlete experiences.

In the episode, I acknowledge a lesson from Alabama softball coach Patrick Murphy: care for the human being behind the athletic talent. That idea connects deeply with my own experience.

A coach’s background may establish some initial credibility. Once you begin working with people, how you treat them matters. What does your attention communicate? Who feels welcome? Who has a chance to improve?

The person remains at the centre.

That is the connection I bring to coach development. Knowledge matters. Standards matter. So do the people interpreting them, and the environment they create for others.

I’m proud when athletes I coached continue enjoying the game years later. Their accomplishments belong to them. If I helped them learn, feel supported and keep enjoying sport, I have contributed something worthwhile.

Adapted from my own account in episode 3 of Developing Impactful Coaches in Canada ↗. Hear the origin at 01:10, the unexpected reunion at 14:11, and the reflection at 16:02. The athlete’s words above are paraphrased. 2018 SunStar interview ↗ provides the direct quotation about coaching.